Meg rants about the lack of community spirit - and parties!

For my younger readers:

Happy New Year! I’m sorry not to have blogged for a while – Christmas and New Year rather got in the way! I hope you had a really good one and got lots of books and book tokens as presents! I didn’t but I’ve just gone and spent some of my Christmas money at my wonderful favourite bookshop, Warwick Books, where they are having a sale. I’m very lucky as they sometimes give me free copies of uncorrected proof copies of books (these are more cheaply produced copies of books which aren’t completely perfect and which publishers use to publicise a book in advance of it being launched) and one that I read recently was ‘The Declaration’ by Gemma Malley. I loved it. It’s Science Fiction and is based on a pretty horrible idea so I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re under 11 but it’s very gripping and will make you think! It’s only in hardback at present I think (and has a really lovely cover) so you may want to wait a while - but it’s definitely one to look out for. It reminded me a little of ‘Piper’ – sci-fi – nasty idea – maybe that’s why I liked it!

I’ve just sent my latest book to my agent so she will have to see if she can sell it to a publisher. It’s called ‘Fragile’ and I think it’s really gripping so would love it to be published. This one is for the 13+ age group – I like to keep trying something new – though I think my agent would prefer tried and trusted. Everyone thinks that if you once get a book published, then everything else you write will also be published – but it just isn’t like that. Unless you manage to become extremely popular (like Jacqueline Wilson) you have to produce something brilliant every single time. So wish me luck – or buy more of my books – or write to publishers demanding more books by me!!!

For my more wrinkly readers:

First, a book recommendation for you too! My great friend, Alis Hawkins, has her first novel ‘Testament’ being published by Macmillan very shortly. Unfortunately, it’s only in hard-back at present but I still strongly encourage you to buy it or at least order it from your library as, even though I haven’t read the latest draft, I know it’ll be brilliant. I’m hoping to do a joint signing and selling with her so I can get that set up, I’ll post a note about it here.

OK, the party season is over and I’m disappointed! Did I get invited to any parties? No. Did I hold any? Yes. I held a very civilised mince pies and mulled wine party (despite my recent blog on alcohol! There was mulled grape juice too!) for local friends and neighbours which was supported by enough people to make it very enjoyable – but I am always disappointed that more people don’t attend or give parties. I’m not exactly a raving party animal but I do seem to be experiencing a complete dearth. Maybe no one likes me? Maybe I’m a complete embarrassment at parties? Maybe people think tea-total =anti-social? Maybe…?

I could get depressed about my status as a social leper but, to be honest, I don’t really think that’s the problem. When I made a real effort to celebrate my birthday in October and invited my 20 favourite people round for a very simple meal, only 4 couldn’t make it and they had bomb-proof excuses. No, the problem seems to be a lack of party spirit in general. In the summer, I held a cream tea party for people on our estate whom I know – however vaguely! I suggested that they brought anyone else that they knew too, in an attempt to expand community spirit – but no one did. Maybe that’s just too weird a concept – ‘Hey, neighbour who I only speak to when we put out the re-cycling boxes – how about coming to this tea-party with this woman I only speak to when our dogs fight?’ Hmmm….

Worse, when I was explaining about this party to a friend, she looked at me as if I was completely unhinged.
‘Why would you want to do that?’ she said.
I was completely taken aback. ‘What?’ I said.
‘Have a party for your neighbours. Haven’t you got enough friends?’

We talked it over. She said she’d hardly got enough time for the friends she has – why would she want to befriend her neighbours? I was gob-smacked. I guess it’s just one of those things I thought was a given – you try to get to know your neighbours, build up community spirit, that sort of thing. But then I am from the North-West! Until that moment, it had never occurred to me that anyone wouldn’t understand that this was a ‘good thing’. Another friend pointed out that we don’t really do geographical social networks now – we do networks of colleagues, networks associated with hobbies and of course, networks of virtual friends. What am I doing now, for goodness sake? But I still like to know who’s living next to me and would love to know just a little more about the people in my close. Why? I don’t know. I did when I was little – not everybody, but enough to feel that there was a bit of a community looking out for me. Maybe we are so paranoid about the safety of our children because a lot of us live in places where that sense of belonging to a group of discreetly benevolent people is completely absent. Instead, some of us live feeling threatened by or suspicious of our neighbours and it is remarkable how many times neighbours, despite hardly knowing each other, seem to get into real conflict, saying things they wouldn’t dream of saying to people they knew. I suspect that if we are living in close proximity with people we barely know, tension will inevitably arise – unless we take the trouble to get to know them before it does. It is harder to slag off someone you’ve borrowed some milk from or who looks after your cat. You can argue, of course, that it is the feeling of threat that prevents you from borrowing the milk. And, actually, you think they’d poison your moggie. Are we condemned to live as geographical isolates? By so enjoying the social networks which our cars and the Internet give us, are we doing the baby and bathwater trick? If so, it’ll be tough when the oil runs out.

And has all this anything to do with the lack of parties? Well, maybe. Sometimes I walk round my estate at night and I see immaculate houses with the curtains open and people slobbing out on sofas watching the TV – or doing more or less what I’m doing now! Maybe we have become so used to retreating to our private spaces of entertainment where we can watch people or communicate with them without the occasional discomfort of their actual physical presence, that the idea of a whole gang of people invading those same immaculate (mine isn’t, in case you hadn’t guessed) houses is all a bit much. It’s certainly an effort. It requires the work of inviting, planning, organising and spending. And then there’s the hosting when they all actually turn up – are they enjoying themselves? Worry, worry, worry. And emotionally, it can be rough. Even if people say they’ll come, they won’t necessarily – things happen! So it can be pretty nail-biting waiting, as you think of the hours and money you’ve spent! Refusals are no better – there’s always the fear that it’s nothing to do with their aunt’s birthday, they just can’t stand you! So in some ways I understand the reluctance. Of course, the young do it all the time! My kids have no problem getting invitations to parties – but they have time and energy on their side. I’m in the very privileged (if hard-up!) position of working very flexibly. I have times of intense busy-ness but if I’m organising something, be it only a party, I can shunt things around. And I don’t sleep much so night-time merriment always appeals to me, whereas other people my age seem to have got depressingly fond of sleeping – even on New Year’s Eve! I was lucky enough to be in Scotland with friends at a ceilidh and I promise you there is no better way to bring the New Year in than, stone-cold sober, dancing a Strip the Willow along the full length of a sports hall! A party that I hadn’t organised – bliss!

Are we all just too busy and worn out? Is that it? Too stressed and tired by the pressures of modern life? If so, I’m sad. I love my virtual life, I love the one-to- ones I enjoy with my closest friends, I love the social groups I’m in – book groups, film group, church house group – but I also want to make space to know my geographical community – and to party!!!